Socrates often referred to a daemonion or a mystical inner voice which (who?) always guided his actions. Socrates' accusers viewed his daemonion as an attempt to introduce new deities.
It was one of the charges he faced at his infamous trial. Socrates was totally serious about his daemonion, inner voice or force. In my opinion, that strong inside force is what I call the FearSurvival system. This basic system is barely felt by most humans under normal circumstances. It is
the automatic pilot that most people are not even aware of. It manifests, however, very strongly, often, in a few individuals. The signs of a strong manifestation of the FearSurvival appear early in life. Socrates himself, in his defense, states:
The early appearance is a proof of a genetic, biological basis of the FearSurvival. For humans, there is another important factor of the FearSurvival system: deeply rooted mental programs. Humans cannot override totally their genetic characteristics through mental programming. I have changed so much but am the same.
I have never actually experienced a daemonion, an inner voice to forbid me doing things or command my actions. I have always possessed, however a FearSurvival system that has manifested very strongly under special circumstances. I wonder sometimes why I did what I have done and haven't done what I did not. It all started early in a child growing up in communist Romania. I was a brilliant student from the first grade, to the last university year. Many a teacher or professor of mine wanted me to pursue his/her specialty. For a reason unknown to me at that time, I did not want to specialize in any field. I simply wanted to absorb the everything.
From today's perspective, I wanted to be a philosopher: one who wants to know nothing about everything (per Bertrand Russell; by contrast, a scientist tends to know everything about nothing)! Since its conception in ancient Athens, philosophy has offered the best way to freedom from any obstacle: religious, political, and ideological. Philosophy is the ultimate path to freedom. It happened during Socrates' lifetime. His state-city Athens was ruled by a big fellow named Pericles. Luckily for humankind, Pericles, a physically and mentally strong and talented individual did not care about his subjects worshipping his personality. The probability for that happen in the (human) jungle has always been extremely low.
I certainly antagonized my teachers with my strong manner of choosing my way. Meanwhile, the communist regime had started a policy of recruiting brilliant individuals for their elite apparatus. As tough and intimidating as they were, they could never have me in a cage. To a clean, straight crawl in the cage, I happily chose a rugged path in the zoo (per Pink Floyd). My powerful inner force always found paths of independence for this ultimate free thinker.
My college years were nightmarish because of my ideas. Even as a person, I always avoided to settle down and live my life as an ordinary Ion (Six-pack Joe). My restlessness wanted me to comprehend the everything and formulate a new theoretical model of the human nature. Any such model independent from the Marxist ideology was strictly forbidden under communism. Luckily, somebody burned my notebooks...
MyFearSurvival decided that it was time for me to run away. I crossed an extremely well guarded border without a bit of fear. I walked successfully right in front of a sleepy border guarding barrack and didn't stop until I reached America! Hey, where else can one work as a handyman, get elected to The New York Academy of Sciences, get listed in Who's Who in Science and Technology, Who's Who in the World, Who's Who in America, get addressed to as "Doctor" and also "Alien"? Some said that my border crossing proved the existence of God. Others have argued reasonably well that the supreme force of the universe is not conscious and we cannot communicate with IT. All the events are states of probability... I worked joyfully as a farm laborer and kept obeying the commands of my daemonion (I love this word!).
I delved deeply into computer programming, psychology, and meditation. And I handled well the temptations of living my life as an ordinary person. My daemonion made some wonderful females feel offended, even hurt, because of my desire for independence. Then, all of a sudden, I fell madly in love with a much younger lady. I totally disregarded any messages from my FearSurvival. I didn't care a bit about my philosophical (or genetic?) mission. I only wanted to live like a man who was deeply in love. It's worth mentioning that I had also started to win the lottery using my own software. In March of 1996, I realized for the first time how powerful the FearSurvival system is. I realized it is a force both biological and mental that resides very deep in our being. I had bought champagne to celebrate my birthday. After that, I had planned to get married despite any rationale against it. I was driving calmly on my way back home. Inexplicably at that time, my car hit the curb of the road. Aside from the flat tires, I also damaged two wheels. Coincidence or not, the accident took place right in front of a service station (Sears Auto Service)! Everything was fixed in a short time.
That message from my Fear_Survival apparatus shook me tremendously. Yet, I was still caring a lot more about my personal life than any other higher goal. But the strong inner force was not to be denied. One morning, severe back pain kept me in bed for an entire day. It was a clear signal it was time again for me to move on. I had been enjoying too much my cozy life on the farm. I was living in a free apartment surrounded by orchards and ornamental trees. In the evenings, I would write computer programs or meditate. In the day, I would perform physical work—the perfect balance between mind and body. Mens sana in corpore sano—a healthy mind in a healthy body.
Without hesitation, I left behind my farm job and my sentimentalism. My best skills were in the computer-programming field, so I tried to get a job as such. I was very confident I would land a computer programmer job soon. You probably witnessed my Visual Basic skills by using my application MDIEditor and Lotto. Honestly, only very few programmers can accomplish similar tasks. Add to that a huge code library and a high-above-the-average-informed personality. Getting a programmer's job should be a piece of cake. Nevertheless, my job search turned out to be a nightmare! I was out of work between March 1996 and August 1997! I applied for over 200 jobs, from programmer to laborer, to no avail. I even filed two discrimination lawsuits! Since my wallet was getting thinner and thinner, I had to act as my own lawyer. But the real law is not like Court TV, so you can imagine the results of my legal battles...
Slowly but more and more clearly, I understood that my FearSurvival had taken charge of my life. There are situations when our consciousness fails to achieve the desired results despite our best efforts. A mysterious force appears to be in charge and hands over to us failures and frustrations sometimes. I took it as a test of my own d(a)emon(ion). As a meditator, I knew how to focus inwards. My thoughts became more profound. My entire philosophy became clearer and clearer. My humans-as-computing-beasts theory took a more defined shape. To my surprise, even my lottery and gambling software became far more powerful. I had available little money, but I certainly made nervous some pit bosses in Atlantic City! Oh my, they sent next to me two beautiful women as shills trying to enchant me into revealing my system. They sure remember me!... I am still working on implementing the ideas I acquired during my time of hardship. It was also the time when I developed and implemented the Fundamental Formula of Gambling. And I took the Internet and Web development very seriously. I reached, however, a point of financial desperation. Luckily, I came across an ad from a temporary employment agency. They hired me immediately.
Of course, I felt bitterness quite a few times during that period. Not anymore. I understand awfully well now that my consciousness was not essentially in charge of my life. My FearSurvival system was. The inner force that our awareness cannot control was my pilot. I needed that hard-felt experience to walk again on my path. Consciously, I did my best to get a job. Unconsciously, however, I did my best to undermine my conscious efforts. Lately, I looked carefully at my résumé and also analyzed some of my job search experiences. My effort looks like a well-designed attempt to impress and overshadow any other computer programmer. During the interviews I put up a show of brilliance as well. As a recruiter put it, I was a master of scaring off potential colleagues.
There is another subtle factor in my résumé. I offer one of my applications as a working demo. I simply give away a source of inspiration for other programmers! In two undeniable cases, two companies only needed a quick fix to their projects and my application offered it incredibly easily. They did not need to hire me, thank you very much! I thought I was also a master of bringing out the worst in some men. At one point, some even called me Alien (I am a United States citizen!). All that was the work of my FearSurvival. My daemonion did not want me to get a well-paid job or develop friendly relationships and fall again into complacency. Before anything else, I needed to acquire and clarify some fundamental ideas. Again, consciously, I put my best efforts to succeed, but there is a program that overrules our awareness sometimes.
Right now, I am at profound, serene peace with myself. I swear I do not blame and I do not resent anybody for what happened to me. Nor do I credit anyone with my achievements. It is the unique combination of genes and mental programs that defines a unique individual and shapes his/her life in a unique manner. It all starts early in life. When an individual encounters strong experiences similar to what I presented here, it probably is a message from the FearSurvival system. Especially those who hate other humans need to pay more attention to their FearSurvival.
A raging beast is awakening from time to time within a human, even inside those who attend regularly a worship place! They had better turn the clock back to childhood, and the wishes they had back then. Forget about the basic garbage of Freud's theory! Our lives are not shaped in any way whatsoever by the attraction a child manifests for the parent of the opposite sex… I have a wonderful daughter, Amy (Amaranta Ofelia). She responded to my affection with a lot of love since she was weeks old. Nobody could believe her highly-aware behavior. In fact, she only responded to love with love. The two of us have been separated for several years. Nevertheless, we love each other very much. Love is the most powerful mental program humans can encode biologically. Please don't give me that Freudian or sermon trash!...
"For only Almighty Number is exactly the same, and at least the same, and at most the same, and randomly the same. May Its Almighty grant us in our testy day the righteous proportion of being at most unlikely the same and at least likely different. For our strength is in our inequities."
"May Almighty Number grant us always the divine proportion between our hopes and our endeavors! And thus we shall not count things we lapse or discount blessings we touch."
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