Before doing anything in a casino, you might want to read this ASAP. They fudigg you up, pal! They take advantage of your ignorance in gambling mathematics! They also take advantage of your social shyness. People are considered good when they demonstrate social shyness in their daily behavior. Don't be fooled by that. A few have always exploited the socially shy-behavior by the most.
Thusly, before you dump your hard-earned money to their stinking kitchen-sink, you better take a look at the casino winning percentages. Very importantly, keep in mind that the figures are for the casinos in Atlantic City, New Jersey, USA. That area is forced more…forcefully to abide by the law (specifically, the Constitution of the United States). By contrast, the winning percentages must be higher in the gambling facilities of Nevada. The gamblers are under so much fear over there that they feel compelled to gamble like idiots more often than they want. That way, the gamblers over there, in the hot-sand dessert, feel they have a chance to win and also exit the Nevada casino in good physical health! Ever seen that film called 21? In New Jersey, the casinos are forced by the rule of law to permit any gambler to play to his/her best ability, even if that translates to sizable losses for the house.
All winning percentages I present here are shocking to a mathematician! They are for the month of November 2008, when the world had already fallen in a deep economic hole.
Over 10% at blackjack (house advantage for basic strategy play: Less than 2%!)
Over 20% at roulette (house advantage for any type of player: 5.26% for most bets at double-zero wheels!)
Over 20% at baccarat (house advantage for any type of player: Under 2% for most bets, with no other strategy!)
The casino winning percentages are 4 to 5 times worse for the games of blackjack and roulette, respectively. The best player advantageous casino game — mini-baccarat — shows a winning percentage for the hou' tenfold than the mathematical odds!
How can it be, kokodrilo (big-time gambler)? Do them freaking casinos cheat big-time? Hard to believe! People are not that fools! Cheating would have been detected by many players long ago in the brick-and-mortar casino. We should have heard of thousands of massacres in casinos by now! Many people don't take cheating lightly at heart. The low-level casino personnel (dealers, especially) would NOT agree to risk their lives for the fatcats who sign their paychecks!
One thing for sure. The gamblers are cowardly stupidiots. Many of them know that mathematics plays the essential role in gambling. Yet, they are frightened to reveal that they posses knowledge in gambling mathematics. They fear that Mr Shroder of MGM Grand (the casino sponsor of the 21 movie) would forcefully take the gambler to the backroom and torture him to near-death! Ain't so, pal! The cowards only intimidate humans! If humans wouldn't have taken intimidation too seriously, the cowardice bullidiots would have gone extinct thousands of years ago! If they ask you to follow them — after you first refused politely — just grab that chair. Hold it tight with both hands and be sure they understand you gonna use it as a means of self-defense.
There is a gambler Down Under who is intelligent and simultaneously stupidiotically mystical. I call him Newtron. He had chosen a nickname for the cyber world that resonated with neutron and Newton. Isaac Newton was so intelligent and also such an idiotic mystic! Thanks to the great economist John Maynard Keynes, who earned enough money from his writings in the dismal science, we were able to learn so much more about Newton and his dark side. Newton was also an alchemist and astrologer! He turned into a fanatical believer of the Bible. He "calculated" that the World would end in the year of grace 2060. The CE (AD say the Christian fanatics… CE stands for Common Era) year 2060 came and went — the world has not ended! Thusly, Newton recalculated the end of the world to be the year of 2600 Anno Socrati. Of course, 2600 will come and go — and the world will still go round! Then, perhaps, Newton will recalculate again… The end is coming soon, bitchy sisters and brothers! It's gonna be 6200... Well, desperate Newton will go to 62000... 6200000... I don't think humans will reach beyond one billion. The Universe will recompress quite soon, by its terms (like a few billion years)…
This mate of mine from Down Under sent to me this Atlantic City casino report for November 2008. He also wants to take the US casinos head-on. He strongly believes in a self-book written by a couple of American self-help profiteers. The self-help books (the phenom started in the US of A) deserve some credit for really helping people. But, beginning 1990's, the self books turned into moneymaking machines for the authors! They exploited human hope. The authors of self-help materials would shout like the mostly expert sellers: "Believe and you will achieve! The sky is the limit!" Self-help turned into a disgusting branch of religion (which is disgusting to begin with!)
The Crocodile mate thinks he can beat the US casinos big time. He wants to play blackjack especially. He himself calls his gambling system The Voodoo Blackjack System. I told him his system had some thin mathematical foundation. Indeed, tracking the busting of the blackjack dealer can lead to positive results for the player. But the tracking must be mathematical. All gambling tracking must be dynamic: The past results DO count in anything gambling — in anything PERIOD. Now, that's when the casinos would feel the urge to kill you more than ever! "Don't you believe in dynamic and past results! They don't exist, or else we'd have to kill you!"
That's the kind of fear the casinos want to instill in you, gambler, or would-be gambler! And that's the most scientific (truthful, therefore) explanation of those staggering winning percentages the casinos record month after month, year after year. Bad for the casinos now, though, is the current economic recession (2208, going on 2009). They still need numbers. Don't take it hard to your reason, but the size of the herd is crucial to the casino operations. Are you an individual member of the herd? Please, get out...
Since the herd cannot be expanded, the casinos only hope in high rollers, like my mate from Down Under. He believes he can expand his fortunes by knocking down the US casinos. Well…it is possible... but not with voodoo... or Newton's astrological gravity... or attraction to the gold... or Abraham's Law of Attraction (the American couple of self-help Ponzi scheme). One can beat those hideous numbers only by cool-headedly applying mathematics.
The high-rollers (HR) have courted me for years now. Problem I've had with them is mysticism and big-ego skulls. If you made huge amounts of money in your business, other than pure gambling — you was lucky. You were luckier than most gamblers (for Wall Street is the hugest casino in history). If you want to make huge money in gambling — you must be intelligent! You must be capable of grasping mathematics. Otherwise, the fortune you amassed in your lifetime would most likely go the dinosaur's way in a few days! I did turned down two Saudi oil-tycoons in the 1990's. They were not fanatics, but mathematicians they were not!
The points I make here are rarely presented in the most serious academic fashion... in the Western civilization. Academic scares the hell out of benignly regular humans. Academic sounds like a kind of bird thrilling affordable to unseen cuckoos only. Truth is, the nineteenth century started the chiasm between highbrow cuckoos and the overwhelmingly majority of humans. That's when the unfortunate elitism term was coined. What I would say here cannot possibly represent highbrow cuckooism. It's just common sense — the fundamental function of Reason Socrates fought so hard to present, at the expense of his own life.
Anti-mathematically huge winning percentages for the online casinos are far easier to explain. You ain't seen what's going on, you ain't got no chance! Again, apply Reason as common sense knowledge. They (online casinos) started by offering potential gambling customers bonuses of 100%. The online casinos then raised the bonuses to 125%... to135%... to 145% in 2008! Can it be true? Hey, you deposit $1000…they automatically give you $1450! So, you fake gambling for a short while... Then you cash out! So, you could win at least $1000 in a few minutes (you could fake to a few hours for better safety and credence)! NOT! You must play your entire balance of your account! Then, you realize that even hundreds of thousands of dollars would be lost in a matter of days, if not hours!
The online bandits wrongfully apply the simplest game of chance introduced long ago by Esnefed Ipsy Dawa, a mathematician and a man of staggering modesty. He called himself a reasonician. It was a hands-on-put-your-money-where-your-mouth-is challenge to Esnefed Ipsy Dawa's detractors.
"Let's play black jack, pirate... you might as well call it 21. You detract me by saying that there is no past in gambling; therefore the number of trials is irrelevant... meaningless... mumbo-jumbo... Well, then, the game goes like this. You play one and only one hand. I play just two more. If I lose my first hand, I play another one. Of course, if I win the second hand I just say 'Thanks', take my money, and let you play your hand! If I lose my second hand, I play another one. Of course, if I win the second hand I just say 'Thanks', take my money, and let you play your hand! Since I am a true gentleman, I will tell you right now that I'm gonna win at least 90% of the hands… What a gentleman I am: I will give you a 5% commission on each and every win of mine! Look, I am not talking Infinity here! By contrast, you keep telling me that I would face the adverse outcome ad infinitum! If I bet, you keep telling me that the BJ Dealer would win up to 10 times in a row... one hundred consecutive times... a thousand times in a row... millions of consecutive times... ad infinitum... For the coin has no memory... neither does the blackjack hand... For what happened in the past has no influence on the future... I only ask for up to three trials! You will have not nearly enough money to stop my insatiable winning!"
Just three trials as in Dawa's example would be absolutely devastating against any house, or bank, no matter how rich! The 5% commission would only slow down the process, but negligibly. It's all about the mathematics of streaks — also known as theory of probability. There are them very vocal googoos out there who call me cuckoo for my theory of streaks! I love it! But look at these mathematical facts, undeniably valid and demonstrable by formulas. And, of course, validated by real-life experiments.
It is obvious to any person that the result of any probability experiment is a string of various streaks of various lengths. The most common are single streaks; e.g. H(eads),T(ails),H,T,H,T… There are 128 such streaks in 1024 coin tosses: 128 for heads and 128 for tails. Next, double-streaks: HH,T,H,TT… There are 64 such streaks for heads and 64 for tails. 32 triple streaks for heads and 32 for tails. HHH,T,H,TTT… 16 quadruple streaks for heads and 16 for tails. HHHH,T,H,TTTT… 8 quintuple streaks for heads and 8 for tails. HHHHH,T,H,TTTTT. The game of blackjack has very close probabilities for the player (.48 as opposed to .50 for coin tossing).
What happens here is this. Suppose, Dawa plays up to five tosses (hands), if losing previous tosses. Esnefed Ipsy Dawa adds to his 128 single winnings 64+32+16+8 = 120 winning tosses! Almost double! The opponent, meanwhile, loses 120 of his theoretical wins! From the perspective of the Fundamental Formula of Gambling (FFG), Ipsy Dawa's chance of winning is over 95%! Who wouldn't play such a game? The online casinos play it (or a version of it) consistently, especially when the gambler increases the bet dramatically!
Who, out there in the cold, getting lonely, getting old, would dare to challenge me in the streak theory? I'll play Dawa's game against you!
The online casinos and the electronic (chip-based gambling machines) at the brick-and-mortar casinos employ that scheme religiously. The hou' runs the random number generator up to five times in its favor (according to my data, recorded in Atlantic City). The player only gets one run of the generator. The house gets up to five consecutive runs…selectively. If they lose, they run the generator again…up to five times. They don't need more than five runs, because that means a 95% degree of certainty of winning. It never — ever — happens to the player! It has never happened to me online or in Atlantic City. Only the casino is favoured that way! Every gambler who contacted me reported the same occurrence! C'mon, law enforcement agencies! Show me at least one exception to this absurd rule! Both the house and the humbled payer should be favored equally according the mathematical odds! Mathematics never lies! Only humans can be liars (ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY FEEL THEY HAVE GOOD LAWYERS)!
OK. Just to summarize the online gambling. They can give you even 500% in bonuses. They WILL win any amount in hours. One reason why the U.S. government prohibits online gambling. Not that the U.S. government would not want extra money, by Any means (big tax revenues). Problem is, implementing legal online gambling compliant with the U.S. system (a system that elected a black man President) would be very expensive at this point in time. They would have to pay me at least one billion dollars to implement such a system. It would be guaranteed to work, however. The profits would net several billions a year in new tax revenues.
Now, the brick-and-mortar gambling in the US of A. Why can the Atlantic City, New Jersey, casinos show such high winning percentages? Personally, I have a hard time believing the truthfulness of such figures. The United States, unlike other democracies, is famous for the right to transparency. Not constitutionally directly, but the US citizen has a right to inquire on transparency — the right to know. So, the figures here apply to publicly owned companies. Therefore, anybody may inquire on almost any type of corporate documents. Each and every of the 11 casinos in Atlantic City are required by law to provide you with the documents presented here.
Thusly, I can guarantee you that the figures here are no fake. The winning percentages for the casinos are 4 to 10 times higher (i.e. worse) than the mathematical probabilities. WHY, kokodrilo?
For one, we, all gamblers, are idiots. We win and we show we are gentlemen/ladies! We TIP big when we win! Stupid thing, pal/mate/amigo! We should only tip at the end of our (gambling) life! Never, that is, that it is! BRRRRRRRRAHAHAHAHA!!!!! The casinos (the fat cats) should pay their employees accordingly. It's not my concern, the gambler's, to take care of other people's well being. For they don't give a damn on my well-being! It's me first, suckers! That's the fundamental law of life. If you and I lose our money, they throw us in the streets, at the mercy of the elements. I've seen so many human wrecks in Atlantic City. Perhaps they tipped big when they won. Now, some die on the beach, under the piers.
And thus I tell you: Do NOT tip the casino dealer before just the end of your (gambling) life. That is, you never know the point in time of the end of your life. So, never, ever, tip the casino dealer. The casino fat cats must pay their people better, according to the merit. Foolish me, my tips to the poor casino dealers amounted to over 20% of my winnings! Sorry, good-looking freaking girls, you certainly deserve much more from those to whom you fork heaps of money into their ugly bellies!
Do not tip casino dealers ever!
Now, we wrote here about that freakingly unsuccessful movie 21. The casinos desperately attempted to make-believe winning big in the casino was possible via card-counting at blackjack! NOT! I tell you. The winning percentages in AC certainly prove my point. Card-counting in the casino is not illegal, right? RIGHT! Even the idiotic-GWBush Supreme Court Justices would agree with me on that. Burden of proof: Who could possibly prove beyond reasonable doubt that a human being is counting cards at the blackjack table? None, baby! For you might dissect millions of human brains and not be able to prove counting of any kind!
A sizable part of the casino winning percentages at blackjack comes from... card counting! People, listen to me! They want to give you the certainty-impression that casino winning (in a big-time manner) was possible by counting cards at the blackjack table! Then, they want to enforce it by conveying you the risks of card counting in the casino! If it's good, it must be risky, right? NOT! You are in the US, baby! There must be no backroom! If it were, you would make millions and millions of dollars just by taking a few blows into your stomach! Just keep your breath, inflate your stomach — and take the blow! They would be shocked that you took it! You got now the upper hand! Just pick up that chair and hit them as hard as you can! Key concept: As hard as you can! They would never think of trying it again after just a few months!
Would-be blackjack card counters read this first. They want you to religiously bet higher when the count is positive. But that's bad, mate! The only mathematics to be followed at blackjack is about the DOUBLE DOWN situations. The negative count is the most favorable to double down, which wins with over 55% degree of certainty for the player. That's absolutely the best situation for the blackjack player. Double down situations: Counts of low cards…like 6+4, or 6+5… represent the best possible situations for the 21 plyer. You got 6+4 or 6+5 in two consecutive rounds? It is rare…but mathematics indicates strongly that two low-card rounds follow a third high-card round. The degree of certainty raises to over 85% (two lows followed by a third round of high cards). Thus, a strongly biased player situation for double down! Wouldn't they wanna kill you for that? Who cares? That chair is a good self-defence! BRRRRRRRRAHAHAHAHA.....
You would be in a far better position as an anti card-counter (or reverse card-counter) at the BJ twenty-one-blow tables!
Most serious problems with counting cards:
~ total accuracy is a myth;
~ the mathematics of the sequence and distribution of the cards (every player and the black jack dealer have the same chance to benefit from a high/low card, while you could be left out).
How about those incredibly high percentages at casino games other than blackjack? I think it must be about gambling systems promoted by the casinos themselves. Most likely, 'tis about that play with the house money concept. Stupidly enough, when the players win they think they play with the house money next. That is, 'let it ride'! If you do that: NOT, stupidiot! You always play with your own money! It is always your freaking money! Why do you think the brick-and-mortar casinos offer the players the 'Bet it all?' or 'Bet the maximum?' options at the slots? They never offer options that can bring down the house!
You win once? Take half of it out. Look at an Ion Saliu gambling system if you want to count your winning streaks, in addition to your losing streaks. And, again, be prepared to make use of that chair as a means of self-defense!
As a token of appreciation for all my free advice (while many others charge thousands for plain crap)? Just call me by my truthful one-word name: PARPALUCK! Yes, I am Parpaluck! Nobody else is and never will be…
There is also the other side of the spectrum. They have the same right to be or not to be. You might want to read this email to yours truly: An interestingly hostile reaction from the online gambling business.
I had planned to celebrate the Parpaluck International Day (my birthday, March 9) in a casino room. Unlucky (!) personal events that occurred in the past few months (just before damn Christmas) will keep me out for some time to come. Time exists, however. Life is not like a Zeno paradox (aporia) where there is only space (confinement) but no time (development).
The Dawai Lama of Gambling
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